Held
by echobaby
Summary: Based on Natalie Grant's "Held." Pippin and Diamond have waited six years for their baby. How will they cope when she is taken away?


**A/N: I was inspired one night to write this after listening to the song "Held" by Natalie Grant. It's my first attempt at something that isn't "humor." I don't own any of the characters, and I don't own anything you may recognize from the song.**

* * *

It was too much. It was simply too much. Pippin couldn't stand to hear Diamond scream and sob like that. He knew she wanted to be alone, but he couldn't take it anymore. He opened the door to their bedroom and saw her. She was on her knees, next to the bed, face in her hands, eyes red and puffy from hours of uncontrollable sobbing.

As soon as she realized she was not alone anymore, she got up and tried to run from the room. Pippin had anticipated this though, and grabbed her.

"No!" she screamed. "No! Let me go! Let me go, Peregrin! Let me go!" She struggled to free herself from his arms, but he was a good deal stronger than her. He pulled her to his chest, ignoring the pain that she was inflicting on him with her violent attempts to get away. "Peregrin, let me go!" she screamed once more. "Just let me go!!"

"No!" he insisted. "Diamond, stop it! Stop." He repeated this and held on to her tighter until she stopped struggling and just cried in his arms. He didn't know it was possible for one to have so many tears, but he himself had already cried more than he thought possible.

Things were different now. Merry and Estella had gone to Brandy Hall for a time. It was nearly unbearable to live at the house in Crikhollow anymore. No one knew when Diamond would start crying, sobbing, or even screaming. Pippin didn't know how he was going to get through this grief, but he did know that his wife was having a much worse time than he was.

She had finally settled down, and he could feel her tears soaking through his shirt. His own fell onto her head as he held her close.

"Why?" she whispered hoarsely. "Why? Why? Why? What did I do wrong?"

"You did nothing wrong, Diamond. Sometimes…" he paused to let a sob escape him. He felt her arms come around his waist. "Sometimes things like this just happen, and no one knows why."

"She was so little. She was only two months old, Peregrin. I don't understand! We had wanted that little one for six years, _six years_ we tried, and as soon as we got her, we lost her." Diamond had found her infant daughter, Lilly, dead in her cradle only two weeks ago. "Why?"

"I don't know, Di. I don't know." He gently rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him.

"I'm sorry I hit you."

"It's alright."

"I really didn't mean it. Really I didn't."

"I know."

"I love you, Pippin."

"I love you too, Diamond."

"Can we go see her?" She meant that she wanted to go to Lilly's grave. Pippin knew it was pouring rain, but his wife needed this. She needed to go and sit by the grave. "I'm going to bring her blanket to her." Diamond stated. She left Pippin's embrace to find the soft pink, silky blanket that Lilly had loved for the short time she had been alive.

Pippin looked at Diamond with fondness and sadness. He had found himself hating Ilúvatar. How could He take away the child that they had waited six years for? How could He do that to Diamond? Diamond deserved to be a mother more than anyone! She had wanted a child for so long, and when she believed that she couldn't have any, she had been heartbroken. Then, she had conceived. The pregnancy had gone wonderfully, and without complication. The birth had been the same way. Lilly was a healthy, happy little hobbit lass, and no one had expected her sudden death, least of all her parents. Pippin remembered the afternoon vividly…

_His parents had come to see their grandchild for the first time. Diamond and Pippin had been having a wonderful luncheon with Merry, Estella, and their son, Madoc. Lilly was napping, as she always did during luncheon, when Paladin and Eglantine arrived. _

"_Hello, Da!" Pippin exclaimed, getting up from the table to give his father a hug. "Mum!" he hugged his mother as well, then turned to Diamond. "I suppose that they have come to see their beautiful granddaughter. Why don't you go get her up from her nap?"_

_Diamond nodded excitedly, abandoned the table and rushed up the stairs to the nursery. _

"_Lilly is a beautiful baby, Da," Pippin said. "We are so blessed."_

_Paladin was about to speak when he was interrupted by a scream from Diamond. "No! No! Lilly! Wake up! Wake up, Lilly! Wake up! Please wake up, Lilly!" They heard her cry. Pippin was first up the stairs, followed by his father and Merry. He rushed down the hallway to the nursery and stopped in the doorway. Diamond was on her knees, rocking back and forth, sobbing, and holding a bundle of blankets. _

"_No," Pippin mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief. He slowly walked up behind his wife, and touched the baby's face that peeked out through the blankets. It was cold. "No!" he cried louder. He ran from the room, down the stairs, out of the house, and behind the barn. "No! She can't be dead!!! No!" in his grief and rage he started throwing anything that could be thrown. He felt someone grab his wrist. He turned with a grunt, ready to strike whoever it was, but when Merry's eyes met his, he dropped his hand. Merry simply embraced him, without a word, and Pippin let him. _

"_She can't be dead," Pippin repeated again and again. "She cannot be dead!"_

But she was dead. She had been taken from them, for whatever reason, and as he sat by her tiny grave with his wife underneath the sky that was crying with them, he recalled that afternoon. The pain that he felt was nearly unbearable.

"Two months is too little," he softly said as tears streamed down his already wet face. He slipped his arms around Diamond and she leaned into him.

"Yes, it is." Diamond suddenly felt a great sense of peace about the whole thing. She didn't know where it came from, but she felt better. The grief was still there, it had not lessened, but she felt her heart settle. "It is too little a time to have a child, but Pippin; we know that I can have children now. We can never replace Lilly, but it is possible for us to have another little one, if Ilúvatar grants us one."

Pippin felt the same sense of peace when she spoke those words. He tightened his arms around her waist though, and cried harder. She returned his embrace, and they both cried for a bit.

The rain stopped, and the sun came out. Diamond smiled for the first time since Lilly's death. She turned to the baby's grave. "We love you Lilly. Your Da and I will never forget you. You were our very first little one. I'm sad that I'll never see you grow up, get married, and have children of your own, but I love you just the same. Maybe you'll have brothers and sisters someday. We'll tell them about you. You will always have a special place in our hearts." Diamond picked up the blanket which was now soaked through. She folded it up and placed it in the small box that she had also brought with her, and set it on the grave. "Goodbye, Lilly." She stood, sighed, and smiled down at Pippin again.

"Come on, Peregrin, we need to try and convince Merry and Stella to move back in with us. I do hope I didn't scare them off forever."

Pippin gave one last look at the grave. "They'll come back if we tell them we're ready. Are you ready to make a trip to Brandy Hall?"

"Yes, I think I am. Let's get cleaned up a bit first though."

Merry and Pippin talked quietly in a parlor in Brandy Hall.

"I am so sorry for your loss, Pip."

"Thank you, Merry. We talked about it for the first time today. It helped a lot, and we want you, Stella, and Madoc to come back to the house. We miss having you there with us."

Merry smiled. "Of course we'll come back; today if you'd like."

Pippin nodded. "Yes, I think that would be best. Di and I need someone there with us. I think I can say that there will be no more night terrors and screaming from either of us though. Something happened when we went to Lilly's grave today, and… we both have more peace about the whole situation. I don't feel like any of it was my fault anymore. I don't think she does either. We had both been blaming ourselves for her death, and…"

Merry stood and put his hand over Pippin's mouth. "You really need to learn when you've said enough to get your point across. We'll be over before sunset. Why don't you and Di go back now and rest?"

And they did. They lay in bed and slept for hours, a much needed nap. When they woke, the felt refreshed and even more at peace. They were able to smile at one another, though it was still a sad smile. They spoke in quiet tones until they heard Merry, Estella and Madoc come through the front door. Diamond kissed her husband softly before going downstairs. He found himself smiling as she walked out of their room. Maybe things were looking up a bit.

* * *

**A/N: Sooo… good, bad, ugly? Was it an epic failure??? Please let me know!!! I have never tried anything like this before. I am quite uncertain about it. **


End file.
